a lesson from David.

Lately I've been rereading through the Psalms and have been so captured by David's completely sincere and honest heart...  He pretty much lays all of his true feelings out on the table with no holding back or sugar coating as he says "God, this is how I'm REALLY doing and I need your help!"... it's raw, authentic, real, and i love it... David definitely didn't have all his ducks in a row, and was probably thought of as being all over the place and kind of a mess sometimes, a little crazy maybe, possibly even bipolar ... but God doesn't define David by his screw-ups and imperfections, and instead He calls him "A man after His own heart" ... awesome, what hope!...

Lately I've been really focusing on authenticity in my life and am so drawn to that quality in other people... Seriously, how many times a day do we do the "Hi, how are you?" "Good! You?" exchanges with people in passing so that we can quickly get back to our busy schedules or make it sound like we have it all together... Ugh, what an awful habit!... In my opinion, this mentality has really hindered the way we communicate with people and God...Not to say that you have to bear your soul to every person you see or anything, but do you know what I'm saying?...

But anyways, I just LOVE how the Psalms are so stripped of these shallow basic sharings of daily events and facts, cliches, facades, and worn out lines, and just really plunge into the depths of David's heart and soul... We can learn so much from David from his honest, sincere, and deep communication with God... So often he would basically cry out "God, this sucks right now!... I need you to get me out of this ASAP!"... Don't you hear what I'm saying?"...yet through it all he still praised God and knew that he could trust in His faithfulness and unfailing love... God loved David's genuine spirit and that he was willing to do some serious soul searching and drag up the hidden & often painful areas that were buried deep in his heart... Gosh God, you want to me to revisit and share THAT stuff with You? Really?? It's so much easier to put on a smile, gloss things over, and say what I think I SHOULD be feeling or WISH I was thinking right now... But no, He doesn't just want my worship, praise, and Sunday School answers... He wants my mess, my junk, my doubts, my hurt, ALL OF IT... I don't really get it, but what incredible LOVE... I recently read a quote that said "it's only when honest feelings and emotions are shared that people can be known, loved, healed, and helped." So God, help me to have a heart like David's...to be authentic, genuine, and sincere... Because this is what deep and connected relationships are made of... 

memory lane

This weekend has been a stroll down memory lane and I've totally been reminded of God's faithfulness and blessings... Yesterday we had my graduation party and it was awesome to have so many people that I love all together under one roof... family, old friends, new friends... chatting, laughing, eating, playing games... SOO much fun:) They have been there for me through thick and thin, laughter and tears... loving, encouraging, listening, and praying for me... I am so blessed!

Then this morning I went to my home church for probably the first time in maybe 2 or 3 years... It was great to be back, catch up with people, and worship in the church that holds so many dear memories. I have no idea where I would be today without people from that church that loved me and poured their lives into me... Oh my goodness, not to mention the kids I used to be a junior high leader for are now seniors in high school and telling me about where they're going to college and what they want to do with their lives!... crazy how the time flies by... 

God is so good. 

a CD worth buying

So I'm a total music junkie and a few weeks ago my iPod died:( ... It was a pretty traumatic and heart wrenching moment, but yesterday I finally got her back (and became about 85 bucks poorer:/)... But anyways, while she was gone, I went old school and busted out the CDs in my car. The last 3 or 4 days I've had my new Phil Wickham "Cannons" CD on rotate in my car (which really says a lot considering my musical ADD)... Pretty much every track on this album is AMAZING and I strongly recommend it! It has a bit of a Coldplay meets Keane meets The Fray feel to it... It's just so sincere, passionate, and heartfelt as he cries out to God... and since I'm such a lyrics girl, it just wouldn't be right not to include some:) So here are some of the powerful lyrics from "The Light Will Come"... it's so infused with hope and one of my favorites...

To the one with the distant eyes

All this crying has left you dry 

Wait the light will come, Wait the light will come

Lift your eyes

The sun has overcome the night

Come alive, as we shine in Love's true light

Here is laughter beyond the tears

Here is courage to face your fears

Look the light has come

So rise you daughters and stand you sons 

Claim the victory that Jesus won

Look the Light has come, Look the Light has come...

The Rave @ Starbucks

So tonight I met a friend for coffee at Starbucks to catch up, chat about life, see how God is moving, laugh, etc... Well, let me just tell you, this was no typical night at Starbucks...

You know how you normally walk in and unwind and you can almost feel the stress being pulled out of your fingertips as you sink into a couch with a hot cup of coffee (or tea, if you so choose) listening to Sinatra, Coldplay, Sia, Joni Mitchell, or whatever the compilation of the day may be....I totally eat it up with a spoon, but maybe that's just the power that it has over me... Anyways though, there was certainly no such peaceful aura present there tonight!... I walked in and some sort of techno rave variation of "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" was thumping from the speakers... followed by quite a few other "hot dance club beats." Unfortunately we forgot our glowsticks, but we got a good laugh out of it anyways! :) 

here I go again...

So here it is... January 2008... wow, does the time fly!  I've decided to blog again... and yes, it will probably be just as sporadic and inconsistent as my previous blog was... but as I have started journaling more, I've realized how amazing it is to look back on life and see how God has moved and worked in my life and in the lives of others...  plus it's always fun to read amusing stories... so here I go again... blogging, take 2... 

Updates on my life:

1. I graduated from Bradley in December with my Bachelor's degree in elementary and special education and I'm finally ready to be a grown up... whatever that means anyways... 

2. I'm a new 3rd and 4th grade resource teacher at Whittier Primary School in Peoria and I love it so far and am SO excited! The kids are awesome, and although it can be stressful and challenging at times, I have no doubt in my mind that this is where I'm supposed to be right now.

3. I moved back home into my parents' basement recently... long story, but it's been really good for me to be home... plus I'm saving money... but I still have my name on some amazing friends' couches and futons:)

4. I'm single... and just focusing on drawing near to God right now.... Jesus is my boyfriend! (haha, lame i know, but i'm actually pretty serious... and I mean it in the most non cliche way possible:) 

So yep, there's my life right now in a nutshell! Pretty much everything is new, uncertain, and undefined,  but as hard as that can be at times, it's actually really exciting and I'm okay with it... or at least I am most of the time...  I really believe that God had to bring me to this place to break me and help me to experience that He is ALL that I need and more than enough. In my confusion, weakness, and brokenness, God has been teaching me to follow and rely on Him, surrendering all my plans, hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, worries, and mess to Him.... completely revealing and covering me with His amazing, perfect, unconditional, and passionate love for me. Even though I totally don't deserve it and have turned away so many times, He's always been right by my side, calling me by name, just as I am, with open arms... so powerful... So today I'm resting in the truth that God's love and grace is so much deeper than I can ever understand, and He has a far greater plan and purpose for my life than I could ever hope for or imagine...

Isaiah 42:16.